Month: October 2021

The one key to relationships and some exercises

Relationships are simple, if you tune in to them, but if you don\’t quite get the frequency right, if you tune into the wrong radio station somehow everything falls apart. If you can tune into that radio station of relationship harmony then all your relationship issues will be transformed. Yes I do mean romantic relationships, and also the relationships with your parents, friends and community etc. So how do you tune into that station? What is the right frequency?

The basic concept is that you need to be in connection with yourself – that\’s authenticity, and with the other, that\’s compassion, and with the Infinite – that\’s positivity and passion. If you leave any one of them out of the mix then things go wrong, but if you put them all in then things keep getting better.

Now doing this is not always easy. It is a very common experience that we feel being true to myself takes me out of connection with others, and also the other way around – being true to others makes you self sacrificing, but it is possible, and the more that you practice it the easier it gets. When I first heard about the idea I liked the theory, but couldn\’t actually figure out how to do it. When eventually I learnt the feeling of \’Differentiation\’ (that\’s the technical term psychologists use) then things began to work out.

So how do we practict this? Here are some exercises that can give you a feeling for it:

Learn to Waltz

The Waltz is the classic romantic music and dance because it expresses the feeling of authentic relationships – listen to Waltzes, and learn to dance them, and strengthen that feeling in yourself.

The Relationship Qigong

These simple physical postures give you the feeling of vulnerability, and strengthen your masculinity and feminity (important for your authentic expression in relationship) in a way that stays authentic and vulnerable. Here is one for men:

The Relationship Posture for Men

The Relationship Posture for Women

Qabalistic meditation

The Qabalah – the Jewish mystical tradition has a series of meditation exercises based on the hebrew letters. This one \’Shin Aleph Hey\’ is for Soulmate Relationships. Focus on the letters, imagine them in your mind. You can also imagine them while doing the other exercises so the exercises strengthen each other.

Yogic Dances

Yoga has some traditional exercises that are kind of dances (they are not really dances in the normal sense – they are not an artistic expression, but they resemble dances so what should I call them? Dancercise? Aerobics?) These are a bit more strenuous than the previous postures, but essentially do the same thing – strengthening the masculinity and femininity in a focused way. (Please note that femininity is not the same as weakness. It is more relaxed than the masculine focus, but has it\’s own power. Strengthening your femininity does not mean giving your power away, in fact it means claiming your true power.)

Tandava Exercise for men

Kaoshikii exercise for women

Other Resources

If you are interested in learning more about relationships I can recommend a few other resources. The Marriage Builders Website is quite useful with a lot of information about understanding your needs and the other person\’s needs in relationship. This is not quite the same as the differentiation that we have been talking about here, but it is also valuable knowledge

https://www.marriagebuilders.com/

The book Passionate Marriage is the best resource I know for understanding differentiation:

Teal Swan also has a lot of wisdom to share about relationships that is worth hearing. Here is her youtube channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1KIUp4PNCyIwCPTq1hYzWQ

Extra Resources

Hopefully this should be enough for you to sort out your relationship problems on your own, but if this is not then talk to me about extra resources. I am considering putting together an online course to help people to focus on learning this feeling, and creating some essences and spiritual healing resources for the same purpose, and perhaps what would be the most fun is to make an album of music that is devoted to expressing this feeling in music. Let me know if you need more support and I\’ll see what I can do.

which comes first? Do you look for the important practical things that need doing? Or do you look for the joy of life and existence? Do you try to get all of the stresses out of the way and then have some space for relaxation and celebration? Or do you start with finding your peace and joy, and then take action.

It should be pretty obvious to anyone that knows me which one I would choose (joy first for those who don\’t know me). But what may not be clear is why that is so important. Of course there are times when you simple must act and there is no time for reflection and peace – emergency situations, and yes in emergency situations one must respond appropriately and quickly, but most of life should not be an emergency. The rest of the time we have at least a little bit of space to decide what are our priorities, and how we are going to approach the challenges of the day, and how we put our priorities makes enormous differences in the outcome.

If we start with the action and stress then everything we do will be a poor attempt at solving an overwhelming problem at the end of the day we will have tackled most of what needs to be tackled, but our solutions will not be wise or well thought out. We will have built a small part of our lives in the image of that stress. If we start with the experience of peace and joy and connection then each response will be somewhat inspired and creative, and by the end of the day we will have tackled the same challenges, but what we have built will be so much more beautiful, and we will be building a much more future and life for ourselves.

Why is this so important? Because all of the major problems facing our society could be seen as sprouting from this one issue. The issue of action without wisdom, focus without peace. Why is it that we have created roads and businesses and factories, and economies that are now in danger of destroying the very environment that we depend on for survival? Because we put the big picture out of our minds, forget about the connection with the environment and just get down to work on the individual issues facing us. It is a well meaning focus on solving those problems, but as soon as the big picture is lost, the small steps that are made create as many problems as they solve.

Why do we have poverty and injustice throughout the world? Is it not the same? That we are so busy solving problems for ourselves and the few people around us that we lose track of the bigger picture – how this affects all around us.

If it is not clear the connection between joy, and a more united, big picture, wise approach to life let me try to spell it out. Our minds are naturally open and compassionate – when you take away the stress they reach out in connection. We care about others. When the stress and overwhelm and emotion is removed people\’s sense of connection to others is improved, their creativity grows, and their ability to see clearly expands. It is like the fog being removed from your glasses. Human beings do not need to actively expand their viewpoint (thought that can help) they just need to take away the parts of themselves that are preventing that expansion – the emotion and the stress etc.

This is why meditation is so important (and by meditation i mean it in the broadest sense – sitting still, or taichi, or a peaceful cup of tea) It is this that sets aside the stresses and emotions that cloud our vision, and allow us to see clearly. There is a saying that everyone should meditate half an hour every day unless they are very busy – in which case they should meditate one hour. Now I don\’t think you need to take this literally. One hour meditation is difficult for many, but the idea that it is under our greatest stress and challenge that we should put the most effort into our inner peace and centring is very important.

Start the day with connection – a meditation of sorts. And come back to it again at the end. If you can do this then life will become a much more beautiful thing, and the effect you have on the world will similarly be so much deeper, more profound and more beautiful.