How to deal with relationships

The one key to relationships and some exercises

Relationships are simple, if you tune in to them, but if you don’t quite get the frequency right, if you tune into the wrong radio station somehow everything falls apart. If you can tune into that radio station of relationship harmony then all your relationship issues will be transformed. Yes I do mean romantic relationships, and also the relationships with your parents, friends and community etc. So how do you tune into that station? What is the right frequency?

The basic concept is that you need to be in connection with yourself – that’s authenticity, and with the other, that’s compassion, and with the Infinite – that’s positivity and passion. If you leave any one of them out of the mix then things go wrong, but if you put them all in then things keep getting better.

Now doing this is not always easy. It is a very common experience that we feel being true to myself takes me out of connection with others, and also the other way around – being true to others makes you self sacrificing, but it is possible, and the more that you practice it the easier it gets. When I first heard about the idea I liked the theory, but couldn’t actually figure out how to do it. When eventually I learnt the feeling of ‘Differentiation’ (that’s the technical term psychologists use) then things began to work out.

So how do we practict this? Here are some exercises that can give you a feeling for it:

Learn to Waltz

The Waltz is the classic romantic music and dance because it expresses the feeling of authentic relationships – listen to Waltzes, and learn to dance them, and strengthen that feeling in yourself.

The Relationship Qigong

These simple physical postures give you the feeling of vulnerability, and strengthen your masculinity and feminity (important for your authentic expression in relationship) in a way that stays authentic and vulnerable. Here is one for men:

The Relationship Posture for Men

The Relationship Posture for Women

Qabalistic meditation

The Qabalah – the Jewish mystical tradition has a series of meditation exercises based on the hebrew letters. This one ‘Shin Aleph Hey’ is for Soulmate Relationships. Focus on the letters, imagine them in your mind. You can also imagine them while doing the other exercises so the exercises strengthen each other.

Yogic Dances

Yoga has some traditional exercises that are kind of dances (they are not really dances in the normal sense – they are not an artistic expression, but they resemble dances so what should I call them? Dancercise? Aerobics?) These are a bit more strenuous than the previous postures, but essentially do the same thing – strengthening the masculinity and femininity in a focused way. (Please note that femininity is not the same as weakness. It is more relaxed than the masculine focus, but has it’s own power. Strengthening your femininity does not mean giving your power away, in fact it means claiming your true power.)

Tandava Exercise for men

Kaoshikii exercise for women

Other Resources

If you are interested in learning more about relationships I can recommend a few other resources. The Marriage Builders Website is quite useful with a lot of information about understanding your needs and the other person’s needs in relationship. This is not quite the same as the differentiation that we have been talking about here, but it is also valuable knowledge

The book Passionate Marriage is the best resource I know for understanding differentiation:

Teal Swan also has a lot of wisdom to share about relationships that is worth hearing. Here is her youtube channel

Extra Resources

Hopefully this should be enough for you to sort out your relationship problems on your own, but if this is not then talk to me about extra resources. I am considering putting together an online course to help people to focus on learning this feeling, and creating some essences and spiritual healing resources for the same purpose, and perhaps what would be the most fun is to make an album of music that is devoted to expressing this feeling in music. Let me know if you need more support and I’ll see what I can do.